@pmclellan: Somebody wrote "wash me" on my car. I'm so lazy, I just wrote "no" under it.
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@mattZillaaaa: [at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"
@Eightinchgoat: You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me.
@tacos_y_cerveza: I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.