@TheWeirdWorld: Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.
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@shutupmikeginn: friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive
@MauriceBlitz: I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could've napped and didn't.
@KyleMcDowell86: *I reach for the thermostat* *my dad runs in barking* *neighbor's dad starts barking* *within seconds all the neighborhood dads are barking*