@sirmunchie: Someday, my kids will say "daddy, wanna hear a cool story" and it will actually be followed by the telling of a cool story.
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@AdamTheLobster: Cop: your under arrest Me: you're* under arrest 2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he's right
@JaneBadall: My son just referred to a beaver as a "wood-eater". So I mulled it over in my mind for a bit and it would seem he's correct on two levels.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
@BestestNerdDad: When dating, I only have 3 dates to get a woman hooked on me because thats how many nice shirts i have.