@HousewifeOfHell: Someday, scientists will capture the energy of eye rolls to produce electricity, and the world will be a cleaner, more sarcastic place.
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@ImmorallyFixate: Hand me the Phillips screwdriver, babe. No, the Phillips. NO. Ok look, hand me the thing you stabbed me with on New Year's. Thanks pumpkin!
@hardlyrelevant: "If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace" (from the back) He saw Creed live in 2003
@bacon_gillepic: Me: Your cat looks pregnant Friend: Impossible it's an indoor cat Me: What have you done