@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
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@realHamOnWry: My hamster, Max, was involved in a terrible accident. He must have fallen asleep at the wheel.
@notabeanie: DOC: good news is you'll make it ME: phew! DOC: ...into the the record book for stupidest way to die ME: *still vomiting marshmallows*
@imteddybless: us women should leave something 2 the imagination. for example it should always be unclear whether ur human or a mysterious glowing vapour