@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
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@ozzyunc: "I want to get drunk in public." "Me too but on pancake batter." "If only there was a way to solve both problems." -The Origin of Eggnog
@TheEllenShow: Scientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.
@cjwerleman: Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.