@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
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@Lisa_Laughs_: I don't talk about my ex's because I like to start of with a clean slate. That, and they're dead to me. Well, to everyone, but mostly me.
@IamEnidColeslaw: may your fathers prosper. may your friends be uglier than you. may your exes get food poisoning
@leifromloihi: [pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators
@michaelianblack: Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?