@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
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@AristotlesNZ: I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. He chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me he will never trust another human being again.
@sucittaM: My wife thinks I'm stupid for using Twitter so much. But I think she's stupid for marrying me, so I think we all know who won this argument.
@DanMentos: *rings bell* "Can I help you?" Yes I'd like a dragon on my back an- *starts pooping on a crucifix* WTF? *checks sign on door* "Taboo Artist"
@maughammom: My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don't know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it's not.