@ValGyorgy: Somehow I missed my turn into my driveway and ended up at the pub few blocks over
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@Capt_Spanky: Text to wife: "Would you bring me my " and my phone suggests "girlfriend." My phone is trying to kill me.
@maymay72x: my husband...just pointed out d new strands of hair growing under my chin..... someones not getn laid tonight.
@kwirkyKerri: Then Satan said, "Let's convince everyone they need to go gluten free." And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015.