@ValGyorgy: Somehow I missed my turn into my driveway and ended up at the pub few blocks over
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@WheelTod: [Interview] "Why'd you leave ur last job?" My boss felt threatened by me [Flashback to juggling lighters after dousing boss in gasoline]
@TheMichaelRock: Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples.
@PinkCamoTO: *looks at calendar* *looks at stomach* *looks at calendar* Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this summer.