@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
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@sweetg35: If you're not suppose to eat late at night, then why is there a light in the refrigerator?!
@joeheenan: I've discovered my home doesn't have a basement. It was just the estate agent doing that walking down the stairs thing behind the couch
@cashbonez: [A montage of me flailing because I walked into a spiders web, with larger and larger crowds, until I am at the karate championships]