@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
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@envydatropic: They say diffusing essential oils can help relieve stress.........THEY DON'T TELL YOU THAT YOU GET STRESSED OUT FIGURING OUT WHAT ONES!
@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths
@t0shiba: I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?