@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
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@Ooft_Headshot: Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
@juliussharpe: Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?
@jonnysun: CANADIAN: im a canadian DATE: cool i've never met a comedian befor CANADIAN: [is too polite to corect them, dedicates entire life to comedy]
@kumailn: Did you know: Wi-Fi is short for "wireless fireless." Pre-wi-fi all internet was fire based. Firewall, firewire, "fire up the computer" etc.