@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
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@KalvinMacleod: HER: tell me about yourself ME: I have a cat H: cute M: he likes music H: cool M: we’re in a band H: weird M: called Mewtallica H: ok bye
@heatherlou_: As a mom, I'm super excited about the rock collection my daughter just told me she's starting.
@tarrynklaudia_x: If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.
@panmidwest: ANGEL: the humans need a model for how they should treat you… GOD: [creates dog] ANGEL: …and for how they actually do GOD: [creates cat]