@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
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@serialmatrix: How school works: In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples.He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.
@markydoodoo: GF: that spoon is still dirty ME: but I just got it out of the dishwasher GF: I can see the mayo on it ME: yeah but it's clean mayo now
@kellymcc0y: When someone spaces out their "ha ha ha's" in a text I read it in Count Dracula's voice
@BookishBunny: At this point most of the hugs I'm involved in are just my kids using me as a napkin.