@Sarcasticsapien: Someone angrily told me "You're so sarcastic!" That would be like me angrily telling a woman "You're so beautiful!"
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@Ilovelamp1979: I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
@MattMcElaney: Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster.
@Tharin_P: There are certain people who assume that I'm intelligent. These people aren't aware that I cannot tear off perforated paper.