@pinupteacher: Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my dog was RIGHT THERE.
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@JediGigi: Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling? Him: Me? No, but thank- Me: Ok just making sure.
@Mikecanrant: A flash mob has nothing to do with a bunch of Italians in trench coats hanging out at a playground, apparently.
@novicefather: Don't be that crazy person who collects cats. Collect something else instead like toenails.
@ValeeGrrl: What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop