@pinupteacher: Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my dog was RIGHT THERE.
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@longwall26: Die Hard (1988) A shoeless New Yorker murders a bunch of people at his wife's office Christmas party.
@samiru27: Jane Austen really squandered the opportunity to write a sequel called "2 Proud 2 Prejudiced."
@thatUPSdude: Her: We have rats! Me: We do? Her: Look something gnawed thru this package of cookies! Me: (wipes crumbs from my mouth) I'll buy traps.
@GaryJanetti: Thinking of adopting a child. What color should I get? Keep in mind my walls are eggshell and cinnamon.