@pinupteacher: Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my dog was RIGHT THERE.
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@CastAwayKristen: I wear workout clothes to get Burger King breakfast so the drive thru lady thinks I worked out first. Dont be afraid to live your best life.
@tastefactory: ME: Actually, her name is not Khaleesi. That's her Dothraki title. Her name is Daenerys Targaryen. GUY ON SUBWAY: I didn't say anything
@PFitzpa: I've got to go guys. Yesterday I bought a new shampoo that's supposed to change my life.
@nowme_datta: How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries.