@mijamtweets: Someone asked where I'm from and I said Wisconsin. She got excited, "Like That '70s Show!" and I clarified, "More like Making a Murderer."
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@NicCageMatch: Ugh why is my bag so heavy? *goes through bag* ok keys, wallet, book, sandwich, water, anvil, other sandwich, human baby, no I need all this
@_Prozach74: Come here and listen close and carefully, I'm going to slowly explain what condescending means? Go ahead and take notes if needed.
@jergarl: Me: BABE HAVE YOU SEEN MY.. Wife: Fridge. M: Shoe? W: Fridge. M: How did you.. W:*reads note* Dear sober me, fridge. M:... W: Idiot.