@mijamtweets: Someone asked where I'm from and I said Wisconsin. She got excited, "Like That '70s Show!" and I clarified, "More like Making a Murderer."
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@fro_vo: "Does your dad play any sports?" "No, my dad hates sports" *dad walks in* "Hey there, Sport"
@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car? Me: Absolutely not. Trust me, I've looked.