@mijamtweets: Someone asked where I'm from and I said Wisconsin. She got excited, "Like That '70s Show!" and I clarified, "More like Making a Murderer."
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@jergarl: [At gang interview] GangLeader: You wanna be in our gang Me: Yep GL: What qualities do you.. M: *Already snapping fingers GL: You're in
@InternetHippo: Me for many years: I wish my friends were interested in politics Now that all my friends are interested in politics: Oh this sucks actually
@wesleybordelon: Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section.
@prozdkp: Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain