@mijamtweets: Someone asked where I'm from and I said Wisconsin. She got excited, "Like That '70s Show!" and I clarified, "More like Making a Murderer."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SuicideBooth1: [couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS...
@SonOfCha: Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE ERIC'S GIRLFRIEND"
@touchmybobby: as a job-stealing immigrant, I now have 36 jobs and counting. I keep them in my basement like some kind of job dragon. what you gonna do