@Schmoodles: Someone at work asked if I'd listened to any good books lately, and now I've got a body to dispose of. :(
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@meganamram: If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss
@BlondAmbitionTO: On dates, if a man says the past tense of "see" as "I seen" instead of "I saw," I go to the bathroom and climb out the window.
@Rollmaninoz: God: *inventing the elephant* let's just move all the dials to maximum and see what happens
@Lexi__Alexandra: "Tell me why I shouldn't report you to HR?" The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. "I don't work here" I yelled back.