@Schmoodles: Someone at work asked if I'd listened to any good books lately, and now I've got a body to dispose of. :(
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@amishschool: My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.
@JesTurtle: I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight.... It's probably not a good night to go to jail....
@WhaJoTalkinBout: 10: Can we go to the adoption store and pick up a new baby? Me: Sweet girl, Mama has 4 kids. If we go right now it's probably to drop off.
@jake_lach: You know you've seen too many walking dead episodes when your hand gets stung by a bee and you start screaming for everyone to cut it off