@bingowings14: Someone claimed that their dog could retrieve a ball from up to a mile away, sounds a bit far fetched to me.
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@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend found lipstick on my collar and thought I was cheating on her so now I only let my collar wear makeup when she's out of town.
@errdayhustlah: Whenever people say "don't judge me" I like to imagine them in the weird wigs British judges wear. *whispers* Judged you.
@HeMightBeJason: Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it's burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth. I'm a goddamn genius.
@RapeyRaperton: When a man tries to hug me hello or goodbye I whisper in his ear "tip to tip" and sigh as we embrace to ensure we never do it again.