@SortaSarcastic: Someone invented a yoga mat that rolls itself. If that person reads this tweet, I have a fitted sheet I'd like for you to look at.
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@Staggfilms: Rock Singer: I SAID, YOU READY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Me: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE DON'T HAVE MICROPHONES ON THIS SIDE?!
@baseballchickie: First rule of being Italian is to tell everyone you're Italian. (I can say this cause I'm Italian.)
@AdderallMomma: --Wanna go rubbing in the park tomorrow with me? Thanks auto correct, this is why I can't have nice friends.
@OutOnTheMoors: Friend celebrated her birthday today by falling off an elephant in Thailand, if you thought I'm the weird one in my circle.