@1par8head: Someone is selling a rot iron table on Craigslist ..wonder If they would trade for a dictionary
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@Reverend_Scott: [Boss' office] "You're late AGAIN." Drove back for my phone. "Why do need it at work?" It's all I do. "WHAT?" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.
@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!
@weinerdog4life: If I was a police sketch artist I would be like "is this the guy?" And they would be like "nope that's a barn" because I can only draw barns