@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
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@Laser_Cat: [interview] So what's a personal strength? "Honesty." And a failing? "I murder people who don't hire me."
@novicefather: [1st ppl to go camping] wife: what do u wanna do this week? hubs: luxury cruise? w: no h: nice hotel? w: no h: pretend to be homeless w: YES
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were u on the nite of the 5th?" Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." [leans in] Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.