@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
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@KeetPotato: dad: "start a rumour so people are scared of you" me: "ok" [later] cellmate: "i kill people for money" me: "i brush my teeth with hot water"
@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.