@cassaleigh_: Someone just followed me and their bio said they were born in the year 2000 and I was like, “OKAY YEAH SURE, so you’re 3?” and then I realized that the year 2000 was 19 years ago and I am an old person.
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@LizHackett: Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren't invited to something and wondering how to get out of it.
@iamburtjarvis: nurse: are you allergic to any medicine? me: laughter nurse: hahaha. OH MY GOD- me [face swelling up]: i thold thou.
@lil_dead_girl_: You don't realize how much you miss someone until they come back from the dead.
@jonnysun: when u get caugt lying on ur resume but u still try to convince the interviewer that ur qualified for the job