@FuckabillyRex: Someone just knocked on the door of my apartment and I yelled, "There's no one here," so I think I handled that very well.
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@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, I want to reach out and touch a star Me: Yeah, well, that would incinerate the both of us instantly so I don't think so
@daemonic3: Cop1: Has becoming a father affected your work Cop2: Not a bit Cop1: Ok cover me, I'm going in Cop2: HI GOING IN I'M DAD [both get shot]
@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it