@Ristolable: Someone just posted an article on Facebook and said "file this under sad." WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE FILING EVERYTHING
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@theshamingofjay: If you jump through the hole in a hipster's earlobe you get transported to a SIMS game where the only people are Harry Potter characters
@JRehling: The FAA has shut down airspace over Ferguson, which must be to stop the problem of people rioting and looting in the sky. #FergusonDecision
@mjkspeaks: The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote.
@AskAuntieEm1: Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.