@Ristolable: Someone just posted an article on Facebook and said "file this under sad." WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE FILING EVERYTHING
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@PaulyPeligroso: You can't die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*
@PoonWhisperer1: The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild * sleeps in middle of bed
@pleatedjeans: [interviewing cave bat] me: any disadvantages to hanging upside down? Bat: [pee rolling down his face] Yes, one.
@SooInnocentDad: My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home