@mauleePillar: Someone just sat across from me at a table at Starbucks. They got too close to my food so I bit them.
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@FavoritesYou: Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup? Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!
@BigHeb7: I've been saying I'll sleep when I'm dead for so long, I'm starting to really look forward to dying.
@sarcasm_inc: A group of chimpanzees walking out of a Banana Republic is called "disappointed" Except for Charlie there, who scored a nice sundress.