@juneohara65: Someone just told me to dim the lights and called it a beauty tip.
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@pinupteacher: I walk into the main office of a new school: Secretary: You a sub? *cheeks blush* Me: Who have you been talking to?
@amphy1981: (Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties
@dlicj: [at my grandmas house] MY GRANDMA (not the grandma whose house we're at but my other grandma): (to my grandma whose house we are at) hey