@imchriskelly: Someone just tweeted something vague that made me think a celeb had died so I googled "dead." No dice! Thank god---hang in there, celebs!
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@PanicRestroom: Whenever I see someone posting a picture with a celebrity, I comment: "Who's that next to you?"
@gingerfaced: What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.
@Home_Halfway: "Let's do 5 sets of squats & then try lifting for an hour. It looks like you got out of shape after your dad died" ~ Really personal trainer
@JasonLastname: Sitting here at Starbucks, everyone looking at their phones and only one person's noticed mine's a calculator.