@EmmaUtters: Someone knocked at my door asking if I would like to donate to the children's home so I just chucked him a few kids
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: It looks like you work out ME: *adjusting the tissues in my sleeves* Oh yeah, big time worker outer
@thenoahkinsey: If you didn't wanna hear "Baby smell is biology preventing the mom from eating it," you shouldn't have invited me to the baby shower, Carol!
@HatfieldAnne: Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.