@EmmaUtters: Someone knocked at my door asking if I would like to donate to the children's home so I just chucked him a few kids
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@runninforwine: Mom said I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. So I became sarcastic.
@johnbcrist: I just texted a friend a super hilarious meme and all he did was give it a thumbs up. I've never been more angry.
@mrsmith196645: Guys, if your lady tells you she needs windshield wiper blades, SHE DOES NOT MEAN FOR CHRISTMAS!