@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: Someone needs to invent an alarm clock that, if you hit snooze more than three times, will call in sick for you.
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@UnFitz: I've been towing this guy around by a rope for years. When is he going to learn to do this by himself? - dogs, maybe
@dukelongboard: I crack my knuckles, turn to the cops and say "I got this" as I stroll toward the bank robbers and get shot in the face
@Sickayduh: DAD: What happened to your car? SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now
@SortaBad: "If you approach a bear in the woods, lie down and play dead" - brilliant rumor started by lazy bears