@TheTobbie: Someone on my street has taken up the clarinet, which has inspired me to take up the sniper rifle...
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@BlindChow: STEWARDESS: omg the plane's about to crash but the SOS message can only be 140 characters! what are we going to do?? ME: *slowly stands up*
@Jenny4ashley: If you had to choose between voting for Trump or getting into the water with sharks, would you dive in or do a cannon ball?