@Glove_Monkey: Someone once told me "If you love something, set it free". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement.
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@Try2StopME: *washing car* Neighbor: "You washing your car?" Me: "No. I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus."
@thetobbie: The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
@mrjohndarby: Me: My son's goldfish died. What should I do? Him: Just flush him down the toilet Me: Gotcha. And the fish?