@Glove_Monkey: Someone once told me "If you love something, set it free". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement.
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@hythemafia: Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your shit in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
@SteelFontana: Bad: Getting bit by a spider... Worse: ...inside your mouth... Worst: ...while making out with someone.
@GrumpyBahr: Me: Grandma died, can't work today. Boss: Thought she died last month? Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick.