@NinjaFuneral: Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
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@iGreenMonk: A boy met a girl She:Every time u smile, I feel like inviting u to my place He(smiling):Why thank u.. are u single? She:No, I'm a dentist
@julieklausner: If I were Santa Claus, I'd have my agent be like "He's not doing it this year if Ronald McDonald is going to be there in that shoe car."
@DevinRange: I love my 5yr old dearly, but if he keeps saying "Dark" Vader I may have to sell him.
@TheCatWhisprer: It’s always good to tell people to “stay safe” during a distaster just in case they didn’t know.