@NinjaFuneral: Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
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@jinkee: if you're hiding from a deranged killer and forget to put your phone on silent, at least make the ringtone the benny hill theme.
@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.
@envydatropic: Be nice to Canadians, American tweeters. We're going to need somewhere to go after this next election
@PellMull: I go under the police tape, approach the chalk outlined body, and flash my subway sandwich card. "Ok what do we got here?"