@MariyaAlexander: Someone please recommend a self-help book that can teach me how to sleep through an alarm.
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@kwirkyKerri: I don't wish anybody dead, but a well placed nasty rash on you would kind of make my day.
@schumoo: "20 McNuggets for $5? That's like a quarter a nugget!" I exclaimed, hoping that my dinner date would be impressed with my math skills.
@Book_Krazy: Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to 'Toys For Tots' before you're eligible for an Xbox?
@ruinedpicnic: "Sorry but It's me or the label maker." [takes GIRLFRIEND label off her shirt] "Thank y-" [sticks on a label that says EX-GIRLFRIEND]