@bobbiejo448: Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it.
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@jake_lach: My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement
@daemonic3: [having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!
@Thedudish: "Is my butt is too big?" my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead.
@JoleenDoreen: When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, "Thumb War" is not the answer they were looking for.