@causticbob: Someone recently asked me, "What blood type are you?"..
I said , "The red runny type".
@Jandalize: I'm fearfully awaiting the day my alarm clock becomes self-aware and the snooze button hits me back.
@HallpassCanada: Adults with big round heads have kids with big round heads so for god sakes please try to date outside your head shape.
@meganamram: the sequel to "Up" should be called "Up 2: No Good" who do I tell this to
@RamblingMachine: A truck with the slogan "We always go the extra mile" took the last parking spot so I wrote on it "because we missed the exit" as a revenge.
@becks_bradley: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real.