@causticbob: Someone recently asked me, "What blood type are you?"..
I said , "The red runny type".
@therealeatwood: JONATHAN EDWARDS: God abhors a sinner and holds him over the flames of hell like some loathsome insect
LOATHSOME INSECT: Wow I’m right here
@Shock_Monster: HR: Does anyone know what FMLA stands for?
Me: Fire My Lazy Ass?
Me: I was gonna guess Lesbian Ass but thought that's inappropriate.
@tonygootana: 16 and pregnant should be followed by 26 and sucking c**k for crack.
@mommy_cusses: Let me tell you how you lost this game according to these rules I've just made up.
-Kids when you play board games together.
@kwirkyKerri: *puts on mistletoe hat*
*casually walks by you multiple times*