@causticbob: Someone recently asked me, "What blood type are you?"..
I said , "The red runny type".
@AlanHungover: *Food hits floor* Little germs: GET IT!!! King Germ: NO! We must wait 5 seconds!
@AimeeHelene1: Would I miss my leg or my arm more?
(me, lying in bed, deciding which to put outside the blanket for the monster under the bed to rip off)
@Dani_Feld: Him: I like powerful women.
*dresses up as a rhino*
@Dadsbustednuts: I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.
@abhorrent_wife: I would totally get into a stranger's windowless van if they took me away from my family for an hour.