@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hookmeupinit: Just bit into a Pop Tart so hot that it caused me to involuntarily perform the falsetto "ah-ha-ha-ha-" intro to Stayin' Alive
@Chumpstring: [first day as a human being] wow there are a lot of us, this seems promising :) it appears that we’re all in this togeth-
@decentbirthday:  student: can i go to the bathroom teacher: *slams revolver on desk* i don't know, can you
@gsu9696: Yeah, he jumped from 128,000 feet, but I fixed the shower today with a 4yo asking what i was doing 128,000 times.... Lets call it tie, ok?