@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 2-year-old: *stares at a pregnant lady in church* Me: She has a baby in her tummy. 2: *whispering* She ate it.
@huntigula: If you watch "The Empire Strikes Back" backwards it's about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad's identity he starts hitting on his sister
@TylerComeOn: I parked in the "C" section of the parking lot. So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof.
@PAT_E_ROCK: The water drought in California is so bad, that someone broke into my cousins house and stole his waterbed.