@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
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@Brampersandon_: [zombie movie set] Director into megaphone: "We're about to start rolling. Look alive people!" *actors look around confused as heck*
@MensHumor: You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
@agathagotstoned: What if cats are born with names & the fact that we call them names that aren't those names is the reason they act irrationally towards us?
@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: Organic milk only comes from cows that do yoga and moo about being a vegetarian or marathons they were in.