@blondecalamity: Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME.
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@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
@hippieswordfish: GENIE: you have 3 wishes ME: i wish for one more wish G: um...ok...your wish is granted. you now have 3 wishes M: aweso- wait, what
@EricaTheThor: Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
@JohnLyonTweets: There's so much spilled soda, popcorn and candy in here my feet are sticking to the floor. I'd complain to the management except this is my apartment.