@blondecalamity: Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DaHess1: Shout out to bicyclists that yell "on your left" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with.
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.
@buseysteeth: You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
@AnkCoupleTO: [special ops briefing] Leader: We're going in deep & hard in the middle of the night Me: I bet you say that to all the boys L: Get out