@blondecalamity: Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME.
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@pisscop: HELLO FELLOW HUMAN TEENS I HEARD THE COOLEST PLACE FOR US TEENS TO HANG OUT IS Ｔｈｅ Ｃｏｌｏｓｓａｌ Ｐｉｌｌａｒ ｏｆ Ｗａｓｐ Ｅｇｇｓ LETS GO DO NOT BRING WEAPONS
@jessokfine: [Me at job interview] And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?
@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.