@funnyordie: Someone should probably go check on Steve.
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@machiavellino: (i go up to lady pushing baby in stroller and put my foot up on the stroller to address the baby) hey baby... is this woman bothering you
@PoliUncorrect: Interviewer: we need someone experienced, this job will break you... Worm: (slowly breaks itself in two while maintaining eye contact)
@thatUPSdude: Was driving with my dad the other day and he told me to get the map out of the glove box. Easy there Indiana Jones, I will just google it.