@noogscorner: Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn't give them a progress report every week.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.
@MattShiney: "The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers
@rockymomax: PHARAOH: we shall build religious monuments. they will baffle future science. SUBJECT: should we leave them a note to explain how we did it? PHARAOH: yes, take this down SUBJECT: ok PHARAOH: cat, dog, snake, bird, cat, man with the head of a cat, dog, cat, bird