@Thing_Finder: Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said "So sorry man. Hope things work out."
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@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
@eddiesteadyno: Making reservations for one at a fancy restaurant because every now and then, I like to be wined and dined before I take advantage of myself
@usermcuserface: Calm down hipsters who clear your throats while pronouncing hummus. You bought it at Whole Foods, not a bazaar in Marrakech.