@Thing_Finder: Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said "So sorry man. Hope things work out."
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@electrolemon: aruba, jamaica / oooh, i wanna take ya atlanta, las vegas/ uhhh that's lots of places vienna, then florence/ baaabe i can't afford this
@PJTLynch: I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane
@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]
@lizetagge: The closest I've been to murder is holding my choco-chip cookie under the milk until the bubbles stop...