@SlipCarefully: Someone stole my pencil sharpener and now I can't stab people anymore.
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@sarcasticmommy4: I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.
@Jenny4ashley: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just kill yourself.
@ramenfuneral: when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something