@VeggieMonger: Someone suggested that I try Acupuncture. I don't think adding more pricks will make a difference.
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@RidiculousSheri: "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Pizza" "My new boyfriend who? "No. Pizza" "My future husband who?" "No." "Playing hard to get who?"
@BuckyIsotope: WHO SAID "YOU GOTTA KEEP EM SEPARATED" A) Gov. George Wallace B) The Offspring C) My mom teaching me to do laundry D) All of the above
@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
@KevinBuffalo: When my cousin came out as gay, his parents wanted him to see a psychiatrist. Which is too bad. Cuz he was already seeing a handsome lawyer.