@envydatropic: Someone told me I was "good people" and I replied "OMG you can hear them too?"
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@jocylan: If I haven't said something mildly offensive today I'm sorry and I promise to try harder
@WhatTheFFacts: On June 28, 2009 Stephen Hawking threw a party for time-travelers. He announced the party the day after it happened and he said no one came.
@Kyle_Raney: [hospital] "We found the problem. There's an entire sheep in your stomach." "Is that bahahaad?" "Yes. It's causing some internal bleating."
@LEDawes: Dear sneeze, if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.