@envydatropic: Someone told me I was "good people" and I replied "OMG you can hear them too?"
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@NeighborGrumpy: 3 - DAD! HEY DAD! Me: Don't yell from the door son! Walk here and talk to me 3 - *walks over* 3 - I stepped in dog poop, what should I do?
@E_lok44: [After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to.
@thetobbie: The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...
@myonlymizztake: If your kid texts you questions about the price of replacing any household item, you will be replacing said item.