@envydatropic: Someone told me I was "good people" and I replied "OMG you can hear them too?"
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@Naked_Superman: Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth? Me: Why would I do that? D: ok…[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly] Me: *winks at camera*
@Donnie_Fairburn: DNA doesn't make you a parent. Stepping on a lego guy on your way to the bathroom at 3 am does
@GaryJanetti: College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school.
@bobvulfov: Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? "hey let me show u my weirdest finger because i'm down with what ur saying"