@Freudianscript: Someone told me to settle down, & I wasn't sure if they meant for me to calm down, or buy a house & start a family.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mjm866: My two year old just learned to say shut up. Coincidentally I just lost all guilt about clothes lining a toddler.
@hammbone84: [On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye.
@Contwixt: One thing I'm good at is making grocery lists.They are some great damn lists.They don't come to the store with me. But they are sweet lists.
@rudy_mustang: Publisher: did you finally finish your book about what clocks measure Me: yes it’s done Publisher: it's about time Me: i know, i wrote it