@WilliamAder: Someone tweeted today that they were "29-ish" and I didn't know you could "ish" 15 years.
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@noog: Cigarettes only give you cancer if you let them. It's called science. Maybe you'd know more about it if you read as many Yahoo Answers as me
@Sean_Burgundy_: Have you ever considered letting your wife sleep with a marriage counselor? - me as a marriage counselor
@iwearaonesie: wife: Can we get a kids menu? waitress *brings one* wife me wife me [already doing the maze] wife: Can we get 2 kids menus?
@jonnysun: "oh holy crap this farmer just crucified a dude, maybe we shoud stay away from this farm" - what crows realy think when they see a scarecrow