@desusnice: someone using bare hands to put salad on a plate is letting you know they're not here for discussions about etiquette or anything really
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@comfynumb2012: Good news, people in 3rd world countries, suffering inexplicable hardships- Amy from fb says god won't give you more than you can handle.
@KKBowls: "I know what you look like naked" - me to my girlfriends identical twin sister, every single time I see her.
@bjfrancypants: "ALL I WANNA DO IS HAVE SEX WITH MINERS!" is the exact wrong way to proclaim your sexual proclivity toward those who excavate coal.
@SteveSuckington: "There's approximately a 50% chance there will be weather today." -meteorologists