@_youhadonejob1: Someone waited thief whole life to write that headline.
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@UnicornSyrup: To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
@BlairLoudly: Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat's just being dramatic.
@TheDinky: If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero... #hero #cootertales
@Book_Krazy: Me: Bless me father for I have sinned... Priest texting me back: I already told you, I'm not absolving u of your sins unless you come in.