@Dschnoeb: Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos.
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@tastefactory: DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]
@MrsGoose69: Before a long trip I drink allot of alcohol the night before. Dehydration will work for me for once.
@caperbc75: Sorry my seductive strip tease to Janet Jackson's Black Cat blew your Grandma's pacemaker and caused your Mom to divorce your Dad.