@ericsshadow: My wife is a beautiful, kind & giving woman who also checks my TL.

@MrSpoonicorn: *a tree branch bursts into a bank with a gun* "THIS IS A STICK UP" *everyone laughs* "GUYS IM SERIOUS" *more laughter* "DAMN IT" *leaves*

@lilgapeach32: I could understand Eve's choice to doom all of humanity if she'd been offered nachos. But an apple? My ovaries are not amused.

@ciarasmith91: Jobs: You Need To Have Your BA *got BA Jobs: you need 5yrs experience *5years later Jobs: You need a MA *Got MA Jobs: we need some1 young

@QwertyJones3: [phone rings] "Hello?" Hi, is your refrigerator running? "WTF?" ...well Hillary is! Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Clinton campaign.