@Dschnoeb: Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos.
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@TitaniumToplass: Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it's like wow those look cool but in person it's all omg what do I do
@d_duhwit: First day as waiter Boss: Can you clear table 5? Me: Well I haven't done track and field since high school but. *runs at table..