@thesulk: "Something in the way she moos / attracts me like no udder lover"
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@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?
@djdarrellripley: Him: Hello, I'm Special Agent Johnson. Me: Well, somebody has a high opinion of himself.
@In_Twittaland: No YOU tried to pet the albino skunk that wandered up from the woods. Related: Never go outside w/out contacts and YES I need a shower.
@koalaslament: the closest I've ever come to a threesome was when I was mowing the lawn and I got hit in the face by two dragonflies having sex in mid air