@jimmy_sharpe: Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together.
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@LoriLuvsShoes: My new juice cleanse is called Vodka with a side of Tonic
@vivalacrap: I mix up the Marvel and DC universes on purpose just for the angry sex
@POTerritory: Created by Jews, saves humanity. Who, Jesus? No, dummy. Superman.
@LlamaInaTux: Turbulence is when the airplane hits someone's family photos backed up in the cloud.
@DanHirsch: Mike Trout turns 26 today. If he keeps up this pace, he'll be 30 in four years
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