@jimmy_sharpe: Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together.
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@AndyRichter: HEADLINE: Recent Studies Show Old White Dudes Possibly Becoming Obsolete. "This is bad for everybody," say Old White Dudes.
@jonnysun: nothing is funny anymore becuase nothing is normal anymore. i saw a pigeon on the subway today and thought "how did a pigeon make $2.75"
@TrainedHedonist: Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore.