@envydatropic: Something touched my leg while in the ocean and apparently I can walk on water now
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@pixelatedboat: Ronald McDonald kills millions of cows and he's the world's most beloved clown, but I butcher one and I "ruined your son's birthday party"?
@CulturedRuffian: INSTRUCTIONS FOR HUSBANDS TOLD TO DO LAUNDRY: 1.Know when to hold em 2.Know when to fold em 3.Know when to walk away 4.Know when to run
@Tmoney68: I don't know much about fashion. I assume a leotard is an idiot born between July 23 & August 22.