@envydatropic: Something touched my leg while in the ocean and apparently I can walk on water now
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@david8hughes: [pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha
@Pro_Jones_: Me: Boss our sales are really going updog. Boss: You mean up? Me: No, updog. Boss: What's updog? Me: Not our sales. We're bankrupt.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer "all sales are vinyl" until I was fired. It would be worth it.