@CharlieDontSrf: Sometimes, distance maketh the heart less likely to be stabbed
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@GrantTanaka: Barista: name? Benedict Cumberbatch: Benedict Cumberbatch Barista [writes "Benedict Cumberbatch"] Benedict Cumberbatch: holy shit
@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!
@GreyDeLisle: I'll never be as horrified as the kid who suddenly realizes they've been following the wrong "mom butt" at the grocery store.
@ThaJawn: I grew up on cartoon violence So naturally, when I fight, it's a giant dust ball with stars and exclamation points flying about