@jordan_stratton: Sometimes I break into hives. But only because I hate bees.
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@1NTERCEPTOR_: When they were saying "we will find a good home for him" I thought they were talking about the dog,I didn't know they were talking about me!
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Why do you want to work here? ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.
@girlontapas: One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food... Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge.