@Gooooats: Sometimes I correctly spell a word I expected to spell incorrectly and then I type some gibberish to make sure spellcheck is still working.
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@amazymay72x: Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s. Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears.
@_davidlucas_: The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.
@VapingSonic: My favorite Bible story is the one where thousands more people show up to Jesus' party than RSVP'd but he still had enough cake for everyone
@Vice_Queen: Calling bullshit on movies. Not once have I walked into a public restroom and found a gun taped to the back of the toilet.