@Hella_Rad: sometimes i cry when i chop vegetables other than onions, just so the onions don't think they're ugly or something
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@LaziestCanine: First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a t-rex] Her: I absolutely love it when guys open the car door for me Me: Shit.
@rhysjamesy: Bae: come over Me: I can't, I'm hanging out with your parents. Bae: my parents aren't home. Me: I know. I just... You never listen Susan.
@murrman5: You've taken 3 pregnancy tests this month. "What's your point" My point is that your shoplifting is odd and out of control Eric.