@karlainvt: Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver...
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@kellymcc0y: When someone spaces out their "ha ha ha's" in a text I read it in Count Dracula's voice
@WarrenHolstein: Police say Oscar Pistorius is a flight risk. How? Does he also have a pair of propeller feet?
@OfficialMizGin: My friend’s 6-year-old was being obnoxious. The mature thing to do was to tell him to settle down. I challenged him to a rap battle.
@ch000ch: hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it